June 24, 2014
How Power of Seduction Runs Our Everyday Lives : Chen Lizra at TEDxVancouver
PUBLISHED ON: 9:25:00 AM BY: Iwebslog Labs IN:
0:09 (Latin American Music) 0:38 (Applause) (Music) 0:43 (Music) 0:48 Man: I'm just going to be in the green room in the back 0:51 if you really want to talk about some, after you're done. 0:53 Chen Lizra: Just give me the clicker. 0:55 Man: OK. Got your clicker here. 0:57 Thank you. 0:58 Whoo! 1:00 Man: Really? 1:01 CL: I guess you don't need coffee now, do you? 1:03 Man: Well, right. 1:05 CL: My name is Chen Lizra. 1:07 I'm a dancer, author and an entrepreneur. 1:10 I started my talk with a seductive dance 1:13 because I want you to first feel the seduction, 1:15 to get you -- kind of -- to gut level. 1:18 I'm fascinated with seduction, but not just with the dance and the movements, 1:22 but also with how you can bring it in a practical way into day-to-day life. 1:27 Since 2005, I've been travelling back and forth to Cuba 1:31 in order to train with the best professional dancers. 1:34 This is when I first started seeing seduction as a valuable life skill. 1:41 I'm so fascinated with seduction, 1:43 but mostly because it's such a playful fun thing. 1:48 I truly believe that everyone has the power to seduce in them, 1:52 we just need to unleash it. 1:54 And I also believe that we need to develop this skill 1:57 from a very young age, so it can help us 1:59 become a lot more successful in life. 2:03 So let's examine seduction for a second, 2:05 and let's take a look at our perception of seduction, 2:07 what it all means. 2:09 When we first hear the word "seduction", 2:12 we have a lot of misconceptions. 2:14 The word has been sexualized so many times 2:16 that we can't even imagine it as a positive skillset. 2:21 We typically associate seduction with something negative, 2:24 because we consider it the less honest or acceptable form of influence. 2:28 People who are easily seduced 2:30 to some degree feel manipulated into the situation. 2:33 When we think of gender roles, it's not even a question 2:37 that men are permitted a lot more freedom than women to seduce. 2:41 And when we think of work and seduction, 2:43 we merely go to sleeping your way to the top and being unprofessional. 2:48 You know how people say, some people say that money's bad, 2:53 but the money itself is not bad, right? 2:56 It comes down to money gives you power, 3:00 and power can be used for good and for bad; 3:02 it comes down to who you are inside. 3:05 Seduction is exactly the same, 3:07 it comes down to your DNA and what you choose to do with it. 3:10 I choose to make seduction classy, 3:13 and to add to it my sense of loyalty and integrity. 3:20 Seduction is really about your untapped power 3:24 that you're not using, that you want to unleash. 3:29 Would we tell superman not to stop a bullet? 3:32 Or a doctor not to save a life? 3:35 But, of course, not. 3:37 Seduction is about charm, connection, vulnerability, pride, 3:46 self-confidence and appeal. 3:51 I'm one of those lucky ones, that gets to go to Cuba all the time. 3:56 And I've been observing this culture for a very long time, 4:00 seeing how aware they seem to be of their seductive powers. 4:05 You can say that in many ways, 4:07 Cuba has been like a seduction laboratory for me, 4:10 where I get to study seduction and understand how they use it better. 4:15 But it's not like Cubans are the only people in the world 4:18 that understand how to use seduction, right? 4:20 You can experience it in other countries in the world: 4:22 in Israel, in Brazil and the Dominicans and many other countries. 4:26 And yet in Cuba I found a combination of things, 4:30 a very unique combination of things, 4:32 that I haven't found yet anywhere else in the world, 4:34 and I'll speak about some of them today. 4:38 And you'll probably agree with me when I say 4:40 that the chances of finding this kind of seduction out in the open 4:44 in North America is pretty close to slim, right? 4:48 I truly believe that we can learn a valuable life lesson 4:52 from Cubans about life and seduction. 4:55 And having said that, if we were to try and take seduction 5:00 and break it into some kind of a formula, what would that look like? 5:06 One: desire -- start taking notes! 5:11 Desire means knowing what you want 5:14 and then having the willingness to go after it. 5:19 In Cuba, rumba is the game of seduction between the man and the woman. 5:25 The woman is the flirty hen and the guy is the seductive rooster. 5:28 The woman uses her body to seduce the men to say, "Want it? Come and get it." 5:36 The guy on the other hand will use his body 5:38 to demonstrate his masculinity. 5:40 He'll try to decoy her. Boom! 5:43 Launching an attack. (Laughter) 5:47 He's trying to pecker her and get her pregnant. 5:52 She'll notice the attack, she'll block it, 5:57 she'll mock him for not succeeding, 5:59 and she'll go, "Didn't make it. Try again." 6:04 Cubans interact on the streets everyday, as if they're playing the game of rumba. 6:10 They keep a tension, a sexy tension, always alive. 6:14 It's like, you could almost have it, but not. 6:17 But if you only tried, then maybe. 6:20 (Laughter) 6:23 Keeping the "maybe" alive is the skill of presenting potential possibilities 6:28 and then fuelling them with desire. 6:32 It's about learning where the emotional buttons are, 6:35 and then triggering them. 6:39 When there is real desire, even if it's hidden, 6:43 it's possible to lure it out. 6:46 But you really got to get what the other person is missing, 6:49 and then give it to them. 6:51 And when it's done right, it's virtually impossible to say "no" to. 6:57 Number two: confidence. 7:00 Strong self-confidence is essential for seduction; 7:04 without it you can't go after what you want. 7:08 Our self-image is formed at a very young age 7:12 and is deeply affected by our environment. 7:16 Cubans praise their kids from a very young age 7:19 to feel confident and stunning in their own bodies, 7:22 because they recognize this is a very valuable life skill. 7:26 You'll see them at the pool at the hotel, the music is like blasting, 7:29 they're grinding to the music, and the little ones 7:32 are grinding right beside them, and they'll turn to them and say, 7:35 "Que lindo!" or "Que linda eres!" -- "You're so beautiful!" 7:38 Add to this that in Cuba there is no advertising, 7:42 because it's a communist country, 7:44 so there's nothing that distorts the body image. 7:48 Cubans, not like us, are not affected 7:54 by the media to try and think that they need a perfect body. 7:58 Instead their self-image is formed out of how stunning 8:02 the environment makes them feel, and how much love they get at home. 8:08 As a result of all of this, 8:11 Cubans grow up feeling intense pride and self-confidence, 8:15 no matter what body type or shape they might have. 8:18 And it's this kind of self-confidence that leads later on 8:21 to how you present yourself in all areas of your life 8:24 and how you succeed. 8:27 Body language. 8:30 When you walk on the streets of Havana, 8:32 guys and girls check each other out, in the open, all the time. 8:36 They're not trying to hide it. 8:38 And guys call after women with "Linda!", "Preciosa!" 8:41 And women respond with how they hold their bodies, 8:44 and how they accentuate their curves when they walk, 8:47 because they know they're being noticed and admired, 8:49 and they like it. 8:53 It makes it really easy to seduce and be seduced, 8:57 because you know what the other person is feeling. 9:02 Seduction also shows up in the tone of your voice, 9:06 the kind of look you give, what you say and how you say it, 9:10 and at times, even adding a little touch. 9:15 Body language is very important for seduction 9:18 because it communicates to the other person 9:20 what you want. 9:23 Number four: arousal. 9:26 To effectively seduce someone 9:28 there has to be an activation of the arousal, 9:32 waking up in them the desire to give you what you want 9:37 and luring it out. 9:40 But first, you have to connect and interact with the other person, 9:44 if not, then how will you get to their heart? 9:46 And for seduction to really work, 9:49 you have to give it your undivided attention, in a moment. 9:54 One of the most charming things that I've noticed about Cuban men, 9:59 is how they to go after what they want completely fearless of the consequences 10:03 of getting hurt or getting rejected. 10:05 They will seduce a woman over and over, making her feel desired and special, 10:11 even after she said "no" a couple of times, 10:13 slowly sneaking into her heart and waking up that desire. 10:18 In a "no" there was a "maybe" turns into a "yes". 10:22 That's damn sexy. 10:25 This fearlessness of failure is a profoundly powerful capability 10:31 that I've noticed in some of the most seductive people 10:33 that I've ever met. 10:35 But they can do this 10:37 because they've developed their intuitions so much, 10:40 that they can easily distinguish between a "no" that means a "no", 10:43 and a "no" that means "maybe", 10:45 because the last thing you want to do is not accept a "no" that means a "no". 10:50 So what I really want you to get 10:53 is that everyone has the power to seduce in them. 10:56 The trick is to learn how to use it and when. 11:03 Seduction is a skill no matter how you look at it. 11:05 You can call it: wooing, persuading, 11:09 winning someone over, charming, it doesn't really matter. 11:12 But what it is, is really about using all of the elements 11:15 that I talked about here in the talk, which is one: desire, two: confidence, 11:20 three: body language, four: arousal, 11:23 to build the connection that gets you what you want. 11:29 It's also important to remember that seduction is not a science, 11:35 but an art, and that's the beauty of it, it comes from the heart. 11:39 And like any art, it can definitely be taught. 11:42 But to fully gain self-expression in it, you have to take the time to master it, 11:47 and make it your own. 11:50 My hope is that you will see seduction 11:53 as a valuable life skill, as I've learned to. 11:57 Because so many people lose that childlike attitude 12:00 as they grow into adulthood, and something's missing. 12:03 And wouldn't the world be a better place if we didn't. 12:07 I really believe that seduction leads to self-confidence, 12:12 and self-confidence leads to success in all areas of your life. 12:17 Master seduction and you can have anything that you want in life. 12:23 Anything. 12:25 I did get a TED Talk, didn't I? 12:27 (Laughter) 12:29 Thank you. 12:30 (Applause)
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